The Existential Crisis
You've probably noticed I haven't been posting very much lately. I'm not entirely sure what's going on, but blogging just hasn't been something I've wanted to do recently. My relationship with the internet has been rocky, and I'm not it's biggest fan. Every time I go to write a post, it ends up being a huge rant about how shitty the internet is and how mad I am at it. The godawful pinterest comments I see on people's pins, body hate, internet bullying, hateful commenters hiding behind the veil of anonymity. Lately my bullshit tolerance has been too low to be able to enjoy the internet without the prevailing toxicity of these things tainting my ability to contribute in a way that isn't just a huge rant. Coming to the blogosphere used to be something that felt positive in my life and recently it hasn't been. Maybe this is just blogger burnout on my part, or maybe the climate online really is shifting, I'm not sure.
Honestly, sometimes I just want to quit blogging. I'm tired of the stress. I'm tired of rude, random people who feel like it's their God-given right to infuse negative commentary into my life. I'm tired of the rat race of trying to keep up with everyone else, putting together the best outfits or the most clever DIY's, or the tastiest looking recipes. I'm tired of spending most of my time behind a computer screen. I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of seeing godawful comments on people's pins on pinterest. I'm tired of checking stats. And I'm wondering, what would it be like to just... stop. To just delete Delightfully Tacky and move on. What would I do with all that time?
I want to move to the woods and have a garden where I grow all my own food, a wood stove to heat our house, and a studio where I can create art. I want to open a clothing boutique in Tacoma. I want to move back to Alaska and be near my family. I want to become a better photographer and go around the country capturing beautiful and amazing things and people. I want to revamp the Winne into a mobile vintage shop or coffee shop. I want to move to Greece and live on the Mediterranean. I want to buy a house and build a huge garden full of delicious fruits and veggies and herbs.
I don't really know where I "belong" as far as blogging goes. Yeah yeah, I know, forge your own path, create your own niche, etc. After 4 years of blogging and too many blogging conferences I've heard it all. But I guess I don't know what I want to blog about to even begin trying to forge a path or niche or whatever. I think I sort of accidentally became a fashion/style blogger. And then I was all, "well, I love making stuff and being crafty and DIYing stuff, maybe I should post more of that stuff?" So I did. But I'm so inconsistent with it, and inspiration for making things comes in spurts. And I like making food and drinks, but similarly=inconsistent. I'm not a food blogger, I'm not a travel blogger, I'm not a crafty blogger, I'm not a fashion blogger, I'm not a mommy blogger, I'm not an outdoorsy blogger. I've always just babbled on about this or that, or whatever I'm feeling passionate about in that moment. I guess maybe I want to fit into a niche. I want to know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing here on my blog. I know, It's my blog so I can do whatever I want to do, but I don't know what that is. What do I want to do? What do I want to write about? What do I want to do with this one wild and precious life of mine?
