remix archives // b + w print dress

It's been a while since I did a remix archive!  I haven't been doing quite as many outfit posts the last few months, so there haven't been as many remixes, consequently.  I've gotten a few new items in my closet recently which I've been wearing to death, and this dress has been on rotation quite a bit lately.  I love black and white prints because they can be pretty crazy but because they are colorless, it's easy to mix them with other colors and patterns.  I got this dress from the clothing swap I hosted at my house last year.  It's always exciting to get a super wearable item at a thrift store or swap, it feels like such a gold mine!  Sometimes remixes are relatively similar to one another, but I'm actually pretty proud of how diverse the styles are in these outfits, especially considering the dress has a rather bold print.  

life lately

Sunday is one of my favorite days.  Dan has work off and we get to hang out all day and relax.  Sometimes we go out for brunch, sometimes he makes breakfast.  Multiple cups of coffee are always involved.  Life seems to move slower on Sundays.  Even on these shorter winter days, the sun seems to move through the sky slowly, lingering.
Life has felt a little disjointed lately.  Even our home is a bit unsettled.  We got rid of our dining table so our kitchen feels odd with just some chairs, a side table, and Dusty's kennel.  I've got plans for making the space homey and cozy again, but finding the right furniture (and saving money for said furniture) takes time, so for now it's a bit of a mess.  A messy, unkempt home really does have an effect on feeling stressed or uninspired.  When the house is clean and put together it feels like a happy space full of life.  When there are piles everywhere and things are laying around in odd places it feels unsettling.  Hopefully we can get things feeling more like home soon.

Watching:  The Biggest Loser ... and Dexter.  I have to say, I loathe most reality television and the fabricated drama and incessant negativity, but The Biggest Loser is just so damn positive and encouraging.  I think I tear up at least once during every show.  It's a competition show, but there is none of the competitive cattiness or backstabbing drama that I see in other shows.  Everyone is supporting one another, everyone is rooting for each other, and we get to see people transform their lives.  Also, it's a great motivator to watch before doing my own workout.  I think my favorite contestant this season has been Rachel.  It's been incredible to watch her bloom out of the shell she was trapped in.  She's so vibrant and happy and you can tell she feels so empowered. 

And Dexter, well, whoa.  I just finished the Season 4 finale and... okay.  
Perplexed about: what's happening in the blogosphere.  For a long time I felt like my experience was singular, just my own personal experience due to changes in my life.  But I've been reading post after post from fellow bloggers echoing the thoughts that have been bouncing around my brain for months.  What is this sense of unrest?  Where is it coming from?  What is the cure?  I'm not sure, but the message I'm getting is that we all want connection.  This isn't surprising because this is what we all were drawn to the blogosphere for in the first place, right?  But now in lieu of connection, contrived content abounds, because that's what gets traffic.  Tips for this and that, tutorials we probably don't need, content created for the sake of creating something... anything to bring in traffic.  I'm not immune to this impulse either, but it's sucked the joy dry.  Only a few blogs pique my interest these days, and on some days not even my own blog makes that list.  In the last few months I've spent more hours than I can count staring at that blinking cursor at the cusp of a blank page.  I want to share things that matter, share my genuine story, make those connections with beautiful human beings.  My favorite part of blogging over the last five years have been those posts where I wrote my honest story and was flooded with comments and emails from people who shared part of my experience, people who thought they were alone, but found through my story that there were others who felt the same way and had been through something similar.  My blogging has slowed considerably from the 5-7 days/week posting schedule I used to adhere to, mostly because I want to create content that isn't just there to keep the numbers up.  I'd rather lose some traffic, but keep the authenticity, and for now I just can't seem to do that and post on a daily basis like I used to.  
Becoming: Woowee.  Or Hippie Dippie.  Or Crunchy.  Whatever you call it.  I'm pretty sure I've stepped off the platform and onto the Woowee train and am headed straight to hippie-ville.  And I kind of love it.  I've realized this recently, after going off of the pill and giving FAM a try, and then having conversations with Dan about Un-schooling our future kids, downloading a meditation app, and practicing yoga, renewing our CSA for 2014, and 100% seriously considering diving into the essential oils thing.  I'm still not into the chakra/crystals level of Woowee-ness, but I do think crystals are pretty and own a few, though I'm not yet on board with their energy auras effecting me.  Coming from a decidedly un-woowee background, I sort of feel like I'm "coming out" of the crunchy closet.  It smells like cedar incense in my closet.
Reading: Aleut Art.  If it sounds like a boring book, it's because it is.  Well, I should say that it's a boring read (very very textbook, archeological mumbo jumbo, science-y), but the content is extremely interesting, at least for me.  I've been really wanting to research more about my Unangan ancestors, and as an artist learning about the artistic traditions and history was something that definitely piqued my interest.  I'm having flashbacks to my Ancient Art History class from my freshman year of college.  Unfortunately, unlike many other ancient cultures, Unangan art history is hard to piece together due to lack of currently available artifacts.  When I bought the book online I initially expected it to be more pictures than words and was pleasantly surprised with the goldmine of knowledge I'd acquired.  Though the reading is dry, I'm enjoying getting to know better the art and culture of my Unangan ancestors.  The next time I'm in Anchorage I'd like to go back to the Alaska Native Heritage center and see if they have any more resources.
Looking forward to: Going on hikes.  I ordered a pair of hiking boots from REI the other night and I can't wait to get them and see if they fit.  I tried on a pair at REI in town but they didn't have a size smaller and I really wanted to make sure I got a good fit, so I ordered a half size smaller pair online.  My new favorite thing to look for at thrift stores is outdoor gear and athletic clothes.  Maybe it's just a PNW thing, but I've found quite a bit of awesome fitness and outdoor gear at thrift stores.  REI pants and coats, Columbia and North Face jackets, Patagonia gear, Prana stuff... it's always super exciting to find something good because that stuff can be super spendy brand new at the store!
Tired of: gender divides in toys for girls and boys.  Not that it's part of my daily life since I don't have kids, but I read a lot about that kind of issue and as I was wandering about the thrift store the other day I came across an aisle set up with toys for girls on one side and boys on the other.  Pink dolls and cooking toys, and then cars and trucks and stuffed dinosaurs.  It took me back to being a kid and constantly being drawn to the toys for boys.  I loved legos and hot wheels and hated dolls and anything pink.  I wanted to be a boy because I felt like being a girl was so lame.  I wanted to wrestle and run around on the playground, not play house and braid hair.  I don't have a lot of hope for the gender divide in toys to be much better by the time I have kids, but I suppose I can give them what I played with most when I was younger: the great outdoors.  Gender neutral as you can get.  (I sound like an old person now don't I... "We didn't have TOYS, we played outside! Jiminy Cricket!")
Proud of: my progress in yoga!  I try to practice at least 3 days/week, which isn't as good as practicing every day (I'm still awful at practicing at home), but I can tell that I'm moving further into certain poses.  I started doing Insanity again at the beginning of January, so it's been a bit harder to maintain flexibility while building muscle with daily workouts, but I'm glad to be balancing out strength building with yoga.  Yesterday I made big progress on my Pincha Mayurasana, which was one of my big goals when I started practicing more frequently.  Now I have to work towards getting more solid in the pose and being able to move away from the security blanket of the wall behind me!


 



 




 

land cruiser

Sometimes the strangest things become symbols in life.  As I was walking Dusty this evening, we walked past an early 90's Toyota Landcruiser, a very similar model to the one my parents had, and nearly the same color.  We spent hours upon hours, and thousands of miles from California to Alaska in that Landcruiser.  An entire family crammed in, wedged between all their worldly possessions.  Sitting on the back tailgate in parking lots eating sandwiches next to my brother.  I remember it was the very first car we owned with a CD player in it, and it felt rather fancy and newfangled.  I was only 5 or so, so I'm not even sure I knew what a CD was.  One time I accidentally left a pack of crayons on the seat on a hot summer day, and when we came back the crayons had all melted and bled into the upholstery, a waxy mess nearly impossible to completely remove.  Luckily the fabric was brownish and a bit multicolored, which made the spot less noticeable.  I'll never be able to see an early 90's Toyota Landcruiser on the road without an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia.  


 

dress/courtesy of modcloth :: cardigan/swapped :: boots/courtesy of blowfish  hat/courtesy of tittle millinery :: scarf/pashmina :: photos by Dan

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putting the pill to bed

A couple months ago I started thinking about going off my birth control pills.  Not because I wanted babies, but because I was realizing that while I was trying my best to eat locally grown, natural food I was simultaneously pumping my body with hormones every day.  It didn't make a lot of sense for me, and I was also noticing some other correlations between things that had started happening around the time I started the pill.  My hair was feeling less thick and less curly than it was in pictures before I started the pill.  I realized that my monthly/bi-monthly migraines started when I started the pill.  And a few other things here and there had started around the time I started on the pill.  Unlike a lot of women I've never experienced huge mood swings or health shifts with birth control, so it took a while for me to realize that it could be effecting me in less obvious ways.

I wasn't really interested in substituting one unnatural method for another, like an IUD, so instead I started putting some feelers out there (thanks social media!) for resources on natural methods of birth control.  I knew that a few methods, like the Rhythm Method, were successful in creating unplanned pregnancy to the point where there's the old, "What do you call Rhythm Method users?" "Parents!" joke.  I was hoping to find something more reliable and biologically based, and I was interested when someone mentioned the Fertility Awareness Method.  I immediately went to the book store to grab Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which was recommended by quite a few people, both on twitter, and from local friends who have been using FAM.  I read the whole thing in a few days and was thrilled to start charting my cycles and "detox" from the hormones I'd been feeding myself.

I know that everyone probably knows someone who used a natural family planning method as birth control, only to have it backfire in the form of an unplanned pregnancy, but for all those people, I've also heard tons of stories from women who have successfully used FAM as birth control for years.  It's not as simple as popping a pill every night, it takes more thought and, well, awareness for it to be effective.  I'm actually consistently surprised how many women I've talked to about FAM who have been using it successfully.  Granted, I suppose birth control methods isn't really a typical topic of casual conversation.  Still, perhaps the success stories don't get as much press simply because nothing happens if you use it properly, and if you slip up, well, there's a rather large, conversation-worthy consequence.

So, for those who don't know, and to make things make more sense in this post, here's a readers digest run down of the Fertility Awareness Method of birth control (or pregnancy achievement, but I'm using it for BC).  Your body changes throughout your menstrual cycle, and you can actually see those changes by charting them on a daily basis.  You track three main indicators of fertility, your waking basal body temperature (for some reason everyone thinks you have to put a thermometer up your vagina and it freaks them out.  Nope, just take your temperature like you normally do, unless that's how you normally take your temperature....), your cervical position, and your cervical fluid.  Each one of these factors will tell you something about whether or not you're fertile.  A woman's body is only fertile 1-2 days per cycle, but because sperm are able to survive in the right (fertile) conditions for many days, this increases this window of fertility to more like a week.  So, in the most basic terms, you're infertile for the beginning of your cycle and the end, and then there's a week in the middle, which you determine by tracking your indicators, where you're fertile and should either abstain from sex or use another method of birth control such as a barrier method.  Instead of counting days and guessing when you're probably fertile, based on what your past cycles have looked like, you determine whether you're likely to be fertile on a daily basis by tracking your temperature, cervical position, and cervical fluid. (for a more in depth explanation click here).

I've only tracked one cycle so far, but I'm super excited about it.  In the past, before I was on the pill, I would forget every month when my last period was.  I'd get PMS-y and not realize that's why I was feeling weird, and then my period would start and I'd be like, "oh... I guess that's why I was wacky."  With charting, I know exactly where I am during my cycle and I can prepare for PMS, or at least know that that's what's going on.  When I saw my temperature shift during my first cycle it was so exciting to know that I'd ovulated, even if that sounds silly.  After my temperature dropped back down, I got my period later that day and I smacked my head, like of course I'd get my period the day my temperature drops, it all makes sense!  It's exciting to be in tune with my body and to realize that things aren't just happening willy nilly.  It's like getting to listen in on a beautifully orchestrated symphony of hormones and biological processes happening within me on a daily basis, all perfectly set up to create new life.

While creating new life isn't really on my list of things to achieve at the moment, I know that using this method for birth control actually sets me up perfectly for whenever we do want to have kids.  Because I'll be aware of when my body is fertile and when it's infertile, we'll have a much better chance at conceiving.  Or we'll at least know when the best time is to "try"!  But the good news for me is that FAM has been shown to be 99.4% effective for avoiding pregnancy when used properly.  Of course, FAM can't protect against any kind of STDs, so it should only be used in a safe, monogamous relationship.


I'm not really self aware when it comes to knowing why my body is feeling a certain way, or making correlations between symptoms and causes.  I mean, it took me two years to figure out that there might be a correlation between my migraines (which I'd never gotten in the past) and the fact that they started becoming more frequent when I started Birth Control pills.  That's one of my favorite things about this method.  I get to know my body.  I live in this body every day, I might as well get to know it!  Women who chart are also very good at helping their doctors diagnose any problems because they know what it normal for their cycles.  They can also pinpoint conception pretty precisely as well, since you also track when you had intercourse and whether or not you used any protection.

More than anything using FAM makes me feel empowered.  It gives me ownership over my own body and my reproductive health.  It pulls back this layer of mystery and confusion regarding reproductive health and fertility.  It makes me angry that the stuff I'm learning through using the Fertility Awareness Method isn't taught in sex ed and health classes.  I got the most cursory explanation of my menstrual cycle when I was in high school.  You know, the classic, "Your body builds up layers in your uterus in preparation to create a baby and then when there isn't a fertilized egg, it sheds those layers and you menstruate."  Okay great.  I mean now I know why I have to buy tampons every month but there is so much more going on, and that knowledge is power.



Living in the age of, "there's an app for that" actually makes charting cycles super easy and quick.  After looking at a few fertility tracking apps, I decided on using Kindara and I love being able to track right from my phone.  I have my charts with me everywhere I go so I don't have any excuses for not charting.  Plus, Kindara is just a beautiful app visually, which is a big reason I didn't use some of the other apps available which were confusing as well as eyesores.  I really wanted something clean, bright, and easy to understand at a glance.  With Kindara, I can also track other things throughout the month, like yoga or nutritional supplements, to see if they have an effect on my cycle and health.  Since I charge my phone on my night stand, I can take my temperature while I'm laying in bed, then enter my temperature into my app right there, before I even get out of bed.

Since I was pretty brief in describing FAM, here are a few other articles about it for those who are interested.  I would definitely recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  It has tons of information, examples, and pretty much everything you need to get started with charting your cycles!

Ditching the Pill
The Atlantic
Osteopathic Family Physician
Taking Charge of Your Fertility
FAM FAQ's

cycle images via kindara