living with and thriving through mental illness // the brave ones with mary england

The Brave Ones is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to share the real, personal stories of real people, in the hopes of showing that we're not alone in the struggles we face.  I believe that the more we listen to the real experiences of other people, the more we come to understand each other and approach one another with compassion.  Today’s guest post is by Mary England who blogs at Uncustomary.

was 8-years-old when I started noticing that I had to scrunch my face up every time I blinked. Eventually, my blinks were very hard, lasting almost a second each. I started squeaking, extending my neck in an exaggerated way, and rolling my eyes down and to the side. I told my classmates that I "had allergies", and I heard my parents talk to their friends and my teachers, saying I was going through "a phase". At my worst I had eight motor and two vocal tics. It was more than a phase.

When I was about 14, I flipped to the back of one of the many teen magazines my mother insisted on subscribing me to. I cut words and photos out of them, after reading the one serious article towards the end of each of them. That day, the article was about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. As I read, I realized that I did all the things she was describing. All these things were part of my every day life, but here she was saying it was a problem that had to be treated.



Less than a year later, I started getting really depressed and got into self-mutilation. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I was dealing with symptoms of OCD and Tourette's Sydrome without treatment or any real knowledge about how to cope. I was late for things because I would get caught up in rituals before leaving the house. I had to repeat, count, and collect things. There were certain numbers associated with everything I did. I tapped surfaces, needed to touch almost everything, and re-checked doors and electrical devices to ensure they were off. I saw extremely graphic imagery of my friends in very violent scenarios. Everything from bathing to turning out the light at bedtime was an ordeal, but I never told anyone.

Things got pretty bad, and I asked my parents if I could go to therapy. That led to seeing a psychiatrist and getting prescribed my first dose of psychotropic medication. For years I took a couple meds every day, and it was enough to take things down a notch so I could function, but the root of the problem was much deeper, and when I was 22 I decided more had to be done, so I signed up for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

CBT for my OCD was basically exposure therapy. Like how if you're afraid of snakes, first you look at a snake, then you stand in the same room as a snake, and eventually you hold a snake. It was the same thing, except with my anxiety. I would have homework assignments every week that may sound really easy and mundane to anyone else, but sitting in front of open drawers for 45 minutes every day was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. There was a lot of sweat and tears involved, but six months later I "graduated".

Since then, I've done a lot to work on loving myself. I quit my day job (at a psychiatric rehabilitation center) to turn my hobbies into my career, and spend my days doing things I love. I make note of the wonderful thing around me, and embrace what makes me happy even if it's weird or childish. I honestly feel that with the journey I've been on, I can provide insight and help to other people who are at different milestones on their path.



At this point, I've gone from taking the highest dosage of four different medications to the lowest doses of only two. I don't go to therapy anymore, and I'm able to cope with symptoms that arise on my own. I still have four disorders on my official psychiatric face sheet (Panic Disorder and Mood Disorder NOS in addition to the aforementioned two), but sometimes I wonder at what point do I still suffer from these things? If you don't actively receive treatment for something, is it still a thing? It's a loaded question that I don't have the answer to.

What I can tell you, is nothing is impossible. I've overcome things I didn't think were manageable, and I've seen clients, with way more severe mental illnesses than me, make incredible progress at my old job. You can do it, I believe in you.

Thanks so much for sharing, Mary.  If you want to follow Mary, head over to her blog and instagram. Want to share your story?  Here's how to participate:

 Have you experienced something similar, or did this post spark a thought or feeling in you?  Write your own post on your own blog, sharing your experience. Write it quick, don’t overthink it, just spill it all out, it can be pictures if you want, whatever. If you’ve already written one, feel free to link that up, too.

 Include a link in your post back to this post, so your readers can find others writing on the same topic. Feel free to use my photo up there in your post!

 Enter the link to your post (the actual post link, not just your blog link) into the link-up tool thing there below.

 Tell a few people about your post, either through social media or talk about it with a friend over coffee.  Click around and visit a few of the other posts linked up, leave comments for each other, and feel comforted that kindred spirits aren’t as rare as we think!  We're all in this together.  There is strength in numbers

An InLinkz Link-up

flower crown workshop at urban outfitters seattle

 few weeks ago Urban Outfitters contacted me and asked if I'd be interested in leading a flower crown workshop in their Seattle store.  I leapt at the opportunity because I've actually been wanting to lead a flower crown workshop for months, so it was the perfect excuse to kick my butt in gear and actually do it!  I think flower crowns are a super fun accessory and, while perfect for festival season, something that you can add to your everyday outfits for a spark of bohemian flair.

This past Saturday I headed up to Seattle for the workshop and it ended up being so much fun!  We had about 30 people show up, and we split the workshop into two groups, one from 1-2 and the other from 2-3, so it was easier to show the process.  I can't wait to teach another one!  Everyone's crowns turned out so unique and gorgeous!  We even had a little pup flower crown (and now I'm convinced Dusty needs a flower crown collar, SO cute).  

dress(

similar

)/courtesy of

modcloth

:: necklace(

similar

)/

free people 

bracelets/thrifted + courtesy of

lulu's

:: flower crown/handmade

I've done a

flower crown diy tutorial

on the blog before, some time ago actually, but I've been thinking of doing an updated one with a video to help show the process better, would you guys be interested in that?  And, if any of you are in the area and want to come to an in-person flower crown workshop, let me know!  I'm working on getting another one scheduled, so hopefully I'll get one or two going in the next couple months!

Thanks to everyone who came out and made crowns!  It was so much fun and I'm glad you all got to leave with a brand new flower crown that

you

made!  

photos of me via urban outfitters // all other images by me

ENGAGED // adam + candace's rattlesnake ridge engagement session

t the beginning of May I met up with Adam and Candace at Rattlesnake Lake for their engagement shoot.  This time of year it's a little hit and miss when it comes to weather, and so scheduling outdoor shoots months in advance can be stressful, hoping for good weather when the shoot day comes around.  We ended up with an absolutely perfect day, which was great, but for anyone who knows rattlesnake recreation area, that means it's totally packed, but we managed just fine.  I actually love doing hikes for engagement shoots because it gives me lots of time to get to know the couple, which is really nice and helps ease the awkwardness of getting photos taken.  Candace and Adam were awesome and we had a ton of fun hiking up and chatting about the wedding, how they met, and life in general.  We were talking about the hike, and about my last time going up to the ridge, which was for Jackson + Jessica's engagement shoot last summer.  As we're talking and hiking, I looked up the trail and saw a girl with pink hair and I was like, "Is that... Lauren?!?"who's my little brother's girlfriend.  And then I notice the rest of the group: Lauren, Matthew (my brother), Jackson + Jessica, and their two good friends, Melissa and Corey, who just got engaged!  Lauren, who is also a photographer, was shooting Melissa and Corey's engagement photos at Rattlesnake Ridge and were all on their way down, and the funny part is, Matthew and Lauren live in Portland, so not only was it crazy to see them there since they don't even live anywhere nearby, but Candace, Adam, and I were just talking about Jackson + Jessica's Rattlesnake Ridge photo shoot... and then there they are!  It was one of the weirdest things that's ever happened to me, and most definitely the weirdest thing that's happened on a photo shoot!

These two are seriously a blast.  I'm so excited to shoot their wedding this summer.  I had so much fun shooting these images.  They're getting married out at a ranch lodge near a river, which is, like, so totally dreamy, am I right?  It's going to be magical.   Usually I try to edit these engagement shoot posts down to like 15 images, but I loved so many of them, so start scrolling!

 
 



 





 




 

spring cleaning

othing super fancy today, just a simple, comfy spring outfit.  I haven't found myself gravitating towards the floral/pastel look that is usually so ubiquitous this time of year.  I am feeling that spring cleaning bug though.  I've already dug a ton of clothes out of my closet to take to my local clothing exchange boutique, sold some furniture, rearranged our bedroom, and have been organizing like a crazy person.  I've still got a lot to do, I feel like the winter months are spend holing up and hibernating and everything just starts piling up and accumulating in corners and on shelves.  Once the sun starts coming out consistently, and the doors and windows are open and fresh air is circulating throughout the house, I get a rush of energy to clear out all the clutter and simplify.  My office is a huge project that I'm looking forward to finishing.  Dan and I swapped offices a few months ago, I used to have the "attic" space upstairs, and Dan was downstairs off the living room (through the yellow french door).   Now I'm downstairs and Dan is up, which is actually working out perfectly.  He set up a little Xbox station and it's got a real man cave vibe now, and I'm prepping to paint the downstairs office a fresh white, it's one of the only rooms left in the house with the original beige paint it had when we bought.  Good riddance, beige!

 

top/courtesy of wildlife works :: necklaces/handmade + courtesy of tribe jewelry  jeans/courtesy of modcloth  :: boots/courtesy of Cat Footwear & AMP3 PR

#FLASHBACKFRIDAY // fly away home

Photos like these make me so nostalgic for Anchorage.  Dorothy really hit the nail on the head when she cried, "There's no place like home" as she knocked her red slippered heels together.  Small planes are so common up in Alaska, and planes buzzed around daily, the sound of the props whirring above was pleasantly familiar.  Growing up on lakes, floatplanes were constantly landing and taking off, and the high pitched buzz of engines revving up for take-off happened dozens of times a day.  Here in Tacoma, the sound is rare, but when I do hear a little plane above, my heart gets a warm sting, both happy remembering home, and sadness that I am not there in that moment.  I couldn't count the hours I spent aloft with my Dad, streaking across the Alaskan skies, landing on mountain lakes, and carving through snow covered valleys.  Hopefully someday my Dad will be able to take his grandkids up in the air, or maybe one of these days if we move back to Alaska I'll finally get my pilot's license like I planned on doing when I was in high school before life happened...

Fly Away Home // July 18, 2010

Sometimes I just enjoy the simplicity of dresses. You can just put on a dress and be ready to go. I even avoided putting on a belt (which I do with most of my outfits). I love that dresses are pretty non-fussy and simple, as far as outfits go. I probably would've thought the exact opposite a few years ago, but time changes things. I'm glad I'm not the same person I was a couple years ago. It's so strange to think of all the things that happen to you which make you into the person you are. I always see things in terms of analogies, and the one that describes where I am now is that life is a road and I'm just at a pit stop, refueling and getting ready to get back on the road. It's been about a year long pit stop, so I'm ready to get back to the journey of life.

dress/courtesy of tigercult vintage :: shoes/courtesy of modcloth

This plane is actually my Dad's old Tripacer. We sold it after moving to Alaska back in the early 90's, but it's still right next to where he parks his 180. When I was a baby he used to take me flying in it. I think I'm the only one of the kids who remembers this plane. My brothers are probably too young, and one of them wasn't even born yet! At first I wasn't sure if this was the plane, but I remembered that someone had vandalized it back in the day, so there's a patch in the side from where they ripped it open to steal who knows what. It was kind of unintended, but I totally match the plane! I wonder if my dress is the same vintage as the plane too...